The Silent Pandemic That's Killing Us
An interview with Raashi Thakran - the woman behind India's first national helpline for mental health KIRAN
Along with Coronavirus, there’s another pandemic. A silent pandemic. Or maybe something that the society does not want to accept as a pandemic. Something that has claimed millions of lives till now, silently. Silently, because we didn’t give it a voice till very recently.
It’s mental health.
We observed mental health day in the first week of the month. And so, I thought of sharing someone’s story today in this issue – Raashi Thakran. Raashi is a mental health advocate and her journey and efforts led to the government’s first national mental health helpline – KIRAN. Her petition at change.org created this difference, and she is nowhere near done. The fight is long and people like Raashi are holding the torch with perseverance, and as people who want to learn about mental health and understand its importance, I think our job today is to amplify these voices.
Please read this with all your heart and kindness. And forgive me because this piece is very long but extremely important. Please stay with us till the end, I promise you it will be good.
Interview with Raashi Thakran
Question: I had seen your video on Brut India and your interview with BBC and I have some idea about what happened to your brother. Would you be comfortable telling us what happened?
Raashi: Yeah. So, in 2019 I lost my younger brother Raghav to suicide and that’s how my journey began. He was 18 years old when we lost him. It was very sudden and shocking, because he always seemed so happy and cheerful. In fact, I was with him 30 minutes before it happened, we were laughing, playing, pulling each other’s legs – typical sibling stuff. And that has been the most difficult thing to come to terms with. Everything seemed so normal to me, I didn’t see any major change in him to be able to suspect something wrong.
After we lost Raghav, the first couple of months were really difficult for me and my family. We shut ourselves off. I tried to distract myself with other things, but the harder I tried the worse it got for me. At that point, I started struggling with my own mental health. I sought support for myself. I told my parents “I think I am not okay.”. And we reached out for help and that’s when my recovery began.
Question: What was your relationship like with Raghav?
Raashi: I had an amazing relationship with him. We had a great rapport. I shared everything with him but I’m not sure if he felt the same way. He didn’t tell me what he was going through and I think that adds a lot to the guilt and regret that I feel. I was his elder sister, his friend and I could not see it. Even when he didn’t come to me and say it himself, I should have known. And this feeling was one of the biggest reasons behind my deteriorating mental health. But, you know, we were very close and like any other sibling duo. That’s another thing that I am thankful for – our last moments together were happy moments, we were happy, Raghav seemed truly happy.
Question: So Raghav would write poetry, I have read some of those that are on his blog. If you look back, do you think there were any signs, maybe in his writing or otherwise?
Raashi: Yes, I think so. He did write but didn’t put out every poem of his. He only published some of them. I read some of his poems and I really like his writing style, but I didn’t give it much thought. I remember telling him how I loved his poems and the way he wrote. But those poems seemed a little sad to me. At that point, he would just laugh it off and say that he was doing it for his audience, because they loved such pieces and I would take him on face value but now that I think about it, I feel that maybe he was trying to say something.
(One of Raghav’s poems (a part of it), taken from his blog)
In fact, the same day that we lost Raghav, around half an hour before the incident he had posted a poem on Instagram titled ‘Days that I Don’t Feel Like Living’. It was literally a cry for help. I was not around my phone so I could not see it when he posted but now that I think about it, it was a literal cry for help. So yeah, in retrospect I think there were signs all along I guess.
Question: When you lose a loved one, a part of you changes. How has Raghav’s loss changed you as a person?
Raashi: I have completely changed. Before this happened, I was always contented with my life. It was about me, my life, my friends, my goals, my family. I never indulged in difficult conversations, never cried because I thought it would make me look weak. I now realise how important it is to have real conversations. I now know how important it is to talk to people about them, about things that are deeper and not superficial. I am trying to change now. I am having better conversations with my friends and family. I am re-prioritizing in general. I am prioritizing my family and friends. I am getting better at being vulnerable.
I now make it a point to cry once every two weeks or something.
Question: After Raghav’s loss, you started a petition on change.org and your journey advocating mental health. What has that been like?
Raashi: So, I started my petition at change.org in June, I was a part of their flagship program ‘She Creates Change’. I launched my petition with them in July 2019. It basically asked the government to launch a national helpline number for suicide prevention. After Raghav’s passing, I had many unanswered questions, I needed to make sense of the situation and so I started researching. I came across very disturbing information about how many people especially young adults we lose every year to suicide. There was no national helpline number in India as compared to many other countries that did.
Another scary revelation for me was that while doing my research, I called around 15 pre-existing suicide prevention helpline numbers and only 3 picked up. So, a lot of them were not even functional. After more than a year of fighting for this cause, we finally have a national helpline number.
Question: Raghav was 18 and so still around the school-college going age. What do you think can education do in terms of raising awareness or helping with mental health discourses?
Raashi: I think education plays a critical role in mental health discourses. Even some of my family members were surrounded by this stigma of mental health. Teenage years are some of the most difficult years of a person’s life because there are huge shifts in our perspective during that age. I think introducing mental health curriculums as early as 3rd standard could really help. One could start with very basic ideas or knowledge building exercises so that once they reach a certain age they would at least know what is happening to them. And if they identify what is happening to them they will reach out and we might be able to help them at preliminary stage.
Question: You know, when we live in a diverse society as ours, we have people who are divided by various social hierarchies of caste, class, gender, and so much more. And accessibility of anything would not be received equally, there will always be a divide of sort of a gap. What is your opinion on this towards a mental health approach? Not every person can have same accessibility towards mental health. We are the elite lot in that sense, what do you think about it?
Raashi: I think that’s a very important question. I think we need to look at mental health from a multi-sectorial lens. Mental health is not just a personal problem, there needs to be intersectionality just like there is intersectionality in feminism, let’s say. It’s a political problem, economic problem, gender problem, and educational problem. We look at mental health from a very health-centered view but ignore all other aspects. For example, look at farmer suicides, caste-based violence and deaths. We need to look at it from all angles. Studies show that people from marginalised communities are more susceptible to mental health issues. And so, they definitely need equal if not more support for mental health.
Even mental health professionals need to be more inclusive. There needs to be proper trainings for mental health professionals. There is prevalent discrimination if someone from the queer or Dalit community wants to access medical facilities. And so, we need to become better allies. I as an upper caste straight woman need to be a better ally when it comes to someone who is not as privileged as me. All of us, privileged people need to become better allies.
Question: Would you like to say something to the ones who are reading your story?
Raashi: I just have something very simple to say to whoever is reading this. If you’re struggling with your mental health, it does not make you weak. It’s okay. It’s not going to be like this forever, things will get better. I know this is something I wanted to hear when I was battling PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). When times are difficult, we just want the pain to end, we want to end our current life or situation - not life as a whole. If you’re feeling this way, talk to someone you trust, someone you love. Separate yourself from your problem. It’s a part of your life, not your entire life. It’s completely normal and things will get better. Your life is very precious to the people who love you and care about you. So, hang in there. Some years from now I am sure you will feel glad that you stayed. And life will be beautiful. You will learn from your experiences and you will look back and see how much your life has changed and how much you have grown from your experiences. Later, when you talk about your experiences, your story and your fight will become someone else’s anchor and their survival guide.
Raashi Thakran is a mental health advocate, a writer, and an amazing human being. Her story gives me hope and peace. If you’re still here, thank you for staying till now. You’re very kind.
There are many more Raghavs and Raashis, fighting mental health and fighting for mental health. Amplify their voices, understand mental health. Be a better ally. Be someone’s listening ear.
I really want to thank Raashi for being so vulnerable with me and all of us. It takes a very strong human to do what she is doing. Support her fight for mental health. Follow her on Instagram and help her raise voices around mental health. Her Instagram handle is raashi._.smh. If you can, go leave a message to her about what you felt about her story. :)
For now, this is it!
Love,
Thank you for doing this, Tanisha. And thank you Raashi. Kudos to both of you.