On Educating and Standing in Solidarity
must we celebrate men’s day? We asked people and documented their responses
On 19th November, we observed the International Men’s Day. My Instagram was full of some people wishing men, some men going “Uff finally a day where we get acknowledged”, some other groups going “Why do we even celebrate this day? Don’t men have enough privileges already?” and so much more that mostly just bored me. For a change, it was entertaining to see a few men in my profile who acted as though they have been completely ignored and this was finally their day of recognition. (you know who you are and I am judging)
Anyway, so I decided to ask a few people of their ideas around Men’s day and masculinity. Before I start off, I want to thank them all for being so kind and agreeing to spend time reading the question, contemplating and responding to me. Your time, energy, and opinions mean more to me than you’d think. Really.
The theme of Men’s Day this time is better health for men and boys. I will try to explore this in the rest of the essay and perhaps make some sense.
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It is no news that we don’t live in an egalitarian world. People across the globe are products of their privilege – social, economic, and gender to name a few. And it is also not surprising that men enjoy far more privileges than all others. This is true for almost all countries.
“To be white, or straight, or male, or middle class is to be simultaneously ubiquitous and invisible. You’re everywhere you look, you’re the standard against which everyone else is measured. You’re like water, like air. People will tell you they went to see a “woman doctor” or they will say they went to see “the doctor.” People will tell you they have a “gay colleague” or they’ll tell you about a colleague. A white person will be happy to tell you about a “Black friend,” but when that same person simply mentions a “friend,” everyone will assume the person is white. Any college course that doesn’t have the word “woman” or “gay” or “minority” in its title is a course about men, heterosexuals, and white people. But we call those courses “literature,” “history” or “political science.”
This invisibility is political.”― Michael S. Kimmel, Privilege: A Reader
If men enjoy so much privilege in the world, in every sphere – personal or political, should we even celebrate them?
“I believe in creating an equal society for men, women, and the LGBTQ community, and in that regard, having one special day in a year for each of these identities, acknowledging their existence, spirit, and contributions in the society makes a lot of sense to me. So, I say yes, Men’s day should be celebrated.”
- Devanshi (she/her)
“Honestly, I don’t think any specific gender day should be celebrated because all genders deserve the right amount of care and respect from the society. So, when you demarcate one special occasion for something you are essentially acknowledging the fact that they do not get enough recognition from the other side of the world. While it’s problematic in a way that we normally don’t anticipate, it does lead to the special focus and attention which ideally shouldn’t be there.”
-Satrajit (he/him)
While we could have an opinion on why or why not should men’s day be celebrated, it is equally important for us to educate ourselves as to why the day is celebrated in the first place. Here’s a Firstpost article summarizing the main ideas behind men’s day.
When I hear about gender equality and relations, most literature I read is around women, people of colour, of minority social and economic groups. Creating an equal society also includes an equal society for men.
While we study and reflect on equality of women or the lgbtqia+ community, isn’t it equally important to also reflect as to how the society could be equal for all men as well? Some studies that show us the different aspects of physical and mental health issues between men and women that we must take into consideration:
1. Men are less likely to access psychological therapies than women.
2. Men are thrice more likely to depend on alcohol than women.
3. Suicide is the biggest cause of death of men under the age of 35
“In childhood, most studies report a higher prevalence of conduct disorders, for example with aggressive and antisocial behaviours, among boys than in girls.
“With the exception of China and parts of India, the rate of death by suicide is higher for men than women in almost all parts of the world by an aggregate ratio of 3.5:1.”
(World Health Organisation)
We asked our respondents how they have been an ally to men around, and how can people be better ally to men.
“I have never specifically reflected on this question. However, I tend to support them emotionally and motivate them to express their feelings and emotions and to stand by them. Typical stereotypes like not to cry and all should be called out and we must normalise men being emotional, caring, and crying. That is how we start to be better allies to men.”
-Palak (she/her)
“I think I have been a generous listener and an empathetic person to hear out if someone wants help. I have studied in a girls’ college and so there has been limited interaction with other gender persons in that case. I think this is why we have had less understanding of other genders’ narratives and that should happen by us listening to people and educating ourselves. Become a good ally by listening to men and educating about the issues surrounding men as well.”
-M(she/her) (chose to remain anonymous)
“A lot of men, majority to them do not want to be associated with something that is conceived weak, or weird or queer. One of the neatest things to do to become an ally is to get more men to open up, talk, and acknowledge that there is a need and lack of empathy.”
-Satrajit (he/him)
We discussed till now about how there are things as a society that we also need to do for men. According to Standford Neuroscientist Jamil Zaki, empathy and care are eroding from our world, we as a society are becoming less empathetic towards one another. If we are to think about it, has the society become less empathetic towards men?
“The hardships of women and other minority groups are documented but we don’t talk about men’s hardships that often. We must not forget that there are men who equally work towards empower other genders and not stealing light from them. They are few in number, but they do exist. They are raised to believe and work towards creating an equal society.”
-Disha (she/her)
“Empathy towards men has already decreased and it’s on us to build that empathy, and to take a stand for men. In many cases men are falsely accused of rape and of violence. Their mental health is neglected and they just suppress their emotions because from their childhood they’ve been told to behave ‘manly’”.
-Meemansa (she/her)
Our Indian textbooks also glorify and reinforce these stereotypes for men which in a way contribute to our present stereotypes and notions of being a ‘man’. Narendra Kalia, a professor of Sociology, analysed number of textbooks prescribed by the state to teach in Indian classrooms. Out of 188 lessons that were analysed, 114 had a male lead in them, thirty-two of these male figures were shown in a heroic form (which is exactly how we have stereotypes men about their emotions, and physical and mental bravery). You don’t need to research much to find evidence when I claim that our textbooks are highly gendered. Men mostly have responsibility in all the stories and seldom show them being emotional or caring. As a society, such misrepresentations would only distort children’s minds more.
I guess what I am trying to say is that while we talk about the male privilege and its repercussions on all the other sections of the society, we must spend some time to think about how we can make this an equally good society for men by educating ourselves and listening to them.
Equality is when all sides are equal.
On that note, a very happy international men’s day
- To men who understand their privilege and work towards building a better society
- To men who do not feel threatened by a woman or anyone else and take away their spotlight
- To men who pass the mic
- To men who have grown in this highly patriarchal society into building one that does not abuse social power and oppress others
- To men who are willing to listen and learn
- To men who educate themselves! <3
Happy Men’s Day
If you’ve reached here, bear with me a little more, please.
The last few days have taught me a lot about what is happening in the country and how are people responding to it. Out of the many many things that are wrong in India right now, perhaps the most important one is of our farmers. Our farmers are unhappy, they want their voices to be heard – by people and by the state. Recently, three farm laws were passed in the parliament that have made our farmers unhappy and take to the streets to protest for their rights. While the issue has debates on both the sides and although I have a strong opinion of them, I would genuinely request you to be a part of this movement. Educate yourself, there are some really comprehensive pieces and ground reports of why our farmers are not happy, and other voices that talk about how the farm bills will help our farmers. I come to you from a place of compassion, and request you to learn more about it. At this point, our job as a citizen of the country is to be rational and help the ones that are in need, in any way possible. I know a lot of you must also think that you should not bother because how does any of it alter your life. It does. Every political act affects every citizen of the country. It is only fair for us to expect others to listen to us if we listen to them, understand and empathise with them, and do all that we can do work together as a unit.
With this humble request, I have tried to collate some resources that you can use to take some action, or understand why the protests started in the first place, why the government is saying it would only benefit the farmers – and then form an opinion.
If you want to know what the farm bills are about, what the government is saying, and how our farmers are responding to it, consider reading the following.
1. ‘Farmers Take to the Streets Over Farm Bills’ by Vikas Vasudeva (The Hindu)
3. The Hindu Explains | Who gains and who loses from the farm Bills? By Priscilla Jebaraj
4. Three Farm Bills and India’s Rural Economy by Vijay Jawandhiya and Ajay Dandekar (The Wire)
5. Farm bills: Are India's new reforms a 'death warrant' for farmers? (BBC)
Videos that can explain the farm laws and the agitation better:
2. A webinar arranged by students at Azim Premji University with trade union activists and experts to decode the farm laws and bust some myths (which I had the privilege to moderate)
You can also look at the Farmers’ Protest Resource List (linked here) for all the information around the protests.
Also, thanks for reading, really!